Jump to content
The forums have been archived and are now read only. Years of great info saved for your reading pleasure. Thank you! Visit us on Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/NakedInvestor/ ×
The Naked Investor Forums
Kimberly

Joke

Recommended Posts

A bus stops and two Italian men get on. They sit down and engage in an animated conversation. The lady sitting behind them ignores them at first, but her attention is galvanized when she hears one of the men say the following:

 

"Emma come first. Den I come. Den two asses come together. I come once-a-more. Two asses, they come together again. I come gain and pee twice. Then I

come one lasta time."

 

"You foul-mouthed sex obsessed swine," retorted the lady indignantly. In this country .... we don't speak aloud in pubic places about our sex lives ........”

 

"Hey, coola down lady," said the man. "Who talkin' sexa, I’ma just telling my friend how to spella ‘MISISSIPPI’”!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

<_<HAHAHAHAHA!!! :glare::huh: Kim, is too funny!!! :lol:

 

A friend emailed me this one joke last Friday! (is my favorite one so far)

 

-----------------

One day I go to Toronto and stay in a bigga hotel.

I go down to eat soma breakfast. I tella the waitress I wanna two

pissa toast. She bring me only one piss.

I tella her I wanna two piss; she say, go to toilet - I say, you no

understand, I wanna two piss on my plate. She say you betta no piss on

plate, you sonna ma b*tch! I don't even know lady, she calla me somma

ma b*tch.

Then I go to pharmacia with a cougha. The man he give me candy ana

tell me fa cough! - I don't even know man ana he tella me FA COUGH!

Later I got to eat soma lunch at Ricky's Place, the waitress she bring

me spoon, a knife but no fock. I tella her I wanna fock - She tell me

everybody wanna fock. I tella her, you no understand, I wanna fock on

table. She say you betta not fock on table you sonna ma b*tch - I not

even know lady ana she call me sonna ma b*tch.

So, I go back to my hotel room, an there's no sheet on my bed. I calla

the manager and tella him I wanna sheet, he tell me go to toilet. So,

I say, you no understand, I wanna sheet on bed. He say you betta not

sheet on bed you sonna ma b*tch. I don't even know man ana he call me

sonna ma b*tch!

I go to check out of hotel and man at desk say peace to you. I say

peace on you too!, you sonna ma b*tch! - I GO BACK TO ITALY!!!

--------------------

 

:o:o:D

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
Ey, you gotta problem with the Italians?

 

Too bad I can't a pic like that for being polish. Everything I can find has at least 3 people screwing in a lightbulb. I don't get it.............

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

My mom sent me this one... I can so relate being from an Italian neighborhood in Brooklyn:

 

To all my Italian friends and family, and a few who are not -

enjoy! ...and if you're from Brooklyn, New Jursey, or Long Eyeland, you'll really appreciate this! . . . .

 

Eye-Talian

 

Why do Italians hate Jehovah's Witnesses?

Because Italians hate all witnesses.

 

Do you know why most men from Italy are named Tony?

 

On the boat over to America they put a sticker on them that said - TO N.Y.

 

You know you're Italian when . . . . You can bench press 325

pounds, shave twice a day and still cry when your mother yells at you.

 

You carry your lunch in a produce bag because you can't fit two

cappicola sandwiches, 4 oranges, 2 bananas and pizzelles into a regular lunch bag.

 

Your mechanic, plumber, electrician, accountant, travel agent

and lawyer are all your cousins.

 

You have at least 5 cousins living in the same town or on the

same block. All five of those cousins are named after your grandfather or grandmother.

 

You are on a first name basis with at least 8 banquet hall

owners.

 

You only get one good shave from a disposable razor.

 

If someone in your family grows beyond 5' 9", it is presumed

his mother had an affair.

 

There were more than 28 people in your bridal party.

 

You netted more than $50,000 on your first communion.

 

. . . . . . . . . .

 

And you REALLY, REALLY know you're Italian when . .

 

Your grandfather had a fig tree.

You eat Sunday dinner at 2:00.

Christmas Eve . . only fish.

Your mom's meatballs are the best.

Clear plastic covers on all the furniture.

You know how to pronounce "manicotti" and "mozzarella."

 

Ciao!

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
B):):lol: As one who was born in Brooklyn and grew up on LawnGuyland, in an all Italian family who owned Fay's Cakes and Pastries, you struck a nerve with that post, Rose! How true, and what fun memories. I have three Uncle Tony's! Sunday pasta was always at 2:00PM. The earth would have to tilt off axis to change that schedule! Christmas Eve dinner at my Aunt Marie's house was always a blast: lobster, calamari, scungilli, octopus salad, bacala, etc.....sigh....I'm waxing nostalgic now... :blink:

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
:)  :)  :P As one who was born in Brooklyn and grew up on LawnGuyland, in an all Italian family who owned Fay's Cakes and Pastries, you struck a nerve with that post, Rose!  How true, and what fun memories.  I have three Uncle Tony's!  Sunday pasta was always at 2:00PM.  The earth would have to tilt off axis to change that schedule!  Christmas Eve dinner at my Aunt Marie's house was always a blast:  lobster, calamari, scungilli, octopus salad, bacala, etc.....sigh....I'm waxing nostalgic now... :)

 

Yup Sunday pasta was at grandma's at 2 and the WHOLE family showed up. Christmas Eve was fresh seafood..... We moved out here to SoCal in 1969 and things were forever changed... I really miss those days... *sigh*

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites
we don't speak aloud in pubic places about our sex lives ........”

 

"...in pubic places about our sex lives?"

 

Where's Sigmund when we need him?

 

Kim, oh, Kimmmmmmmmmmmmmm, sweetie...... :)

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

Must be me, guys. But that link freezes my PC every time I try and access it. Could be the anti-Italian filter I have installed...

Share this post


Link to post
Share on other sites

×
×
  • Create New...