Adam King (MI) 1 Report post Posted October 8, 2007 Attorneys These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan!____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there.____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget.ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?WITNESS: We both do.ATTORNEY: Voodoo?WITNESS: We do.ATTORNEY: You do?WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in hissleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?____________________________________ ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty.___________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me?_________________________________________ ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Uh.... I was gett'in laid!____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?WITNESS: Are you shitt'in me? Your Honor, I think I need a differentattorney. Can I get a new attorney?____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death.ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?WITNESS: Now whose death do you suppose terminated it?____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?WITNESS: Guess._____________________________________ ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to adeposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work.______________________________________ ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people. Would you liketo rephrase that?_________________________________________ ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral._________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m.ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing anautopsy on him!____________________________________________ ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Huh....are you qualified to ask that question?______________________________________ And the best for last: ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when youbegan the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: I see, but could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicinglaw Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
West Coast Girl 1 Report post Posted October 8, 2007 Attorneys These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters that had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place. ONLY in America! Sorry, couldn't resist that one! Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
MichaelC 160 Report post Posted October 8, 2007 Classic stuff, and funny as hell! Good find, Adam.And let's not forget this classic from Johnny Cochran, famous attorney to the wealthy and famous: "If the glove don't fit, you must acquit". Share this post Link to post Share on other sites
