How to do a deal with zero people skills whatsoever

[Doug Pretorius (ON) 9]

It has been lovingly and tactfully pointed out to me that I have the the telephone presence of an undertaker and generally come across as the grim reaper to anyone thinking about doing business with me. Sooo...that being the case I've naturally been asked to post an activity log to show you that yes, anyone can in fact close a lease purchase deal, because apparently if someone is willing to sign a contract with me it goes to show there really are exceptionally desperate people in any market.

 

First thing you need to know is that if you hate everyone and they can barely stand talking to you, you're going to have to be brief, and make a ton of calls to find those few gems who really appreciate your easy-to-miss charm. I start off by saying this:

 

(ring...ring) Seller: "Hello?"

Death Incarnate: "Hi I'm calling about the house for sale on Random Beheadings Avenue. I was wondering if you would be interested in selling that on a rent-to-own?"

Seller: "No I don't want to rent."

Hateful Malice: "OK then thanks for your time (it's up by the way.)"

 

When they say something like: "I hadn't thought about that, how does that work?" I say...

The Blackhand: "Well I'm an investor and might--I emphasize MIGHT--buy it in a couple of years, but in the meantime I plan on subletting it to some deadbeat druggies. If they damage the house I'll only be minimally responsible for repairs and of course if you don't fix the place up real nice so I can rent it out again, I can cancel my contract at any time without penalty. Whatdayasay?"

 

On the off chance that they haven't hung up yet I know I've got a deal and go for the close...

Murder Inc.: "In order to make a substantial profit from your property I will need you to agree to sell it to me for a huge discount and in the meantime rent it for way less than you would get if you just posted it on craigslist yourself. Oh and of course I won't take on the responsibility of making payments until I have someone else living there, so you're going to have to pay for everything until then."

 

Finally I email over the contracts and wait for them to print them, sign them, and drop them off at my office along with the keys to the house.

[Doug Pretorius (ON) 9]

Now that you have an idea of how I approach this business let's take a look at some actual numbers this week:

 

11/28/2011: 15 calls, 9 voicemails, 6 contacts, 2 yeses, 1 workable rents

11/29/2011: 10 calls, 5 voicemails, 5 contacts

11/30/2011: Met with both sellers from 11/28 and made an offer to one of them.

12/01/2011: 15 calls, 5 voicemails, 10 contacts

12/02/2011: 15 calls, 9 voicemails, 6 contacts

 

As you can see the week started off well but the last couple of days I haven't found anyone interested. You'll notice too that the number of positive responses is quite low. That's because I'm making no attempt to woo these people with my wit and movie star looks. I'm getting right to the point and disqualifying them in the most unimaginably brutal way possible.

 

It's taking me an average of 3 minutes per call. That's clicking on the ad, dialing the number, waiting for it to ring and either leaving a message or hitting the seller over the head with the cold hard fact that I'm not the slightest bit interested in them, their problems, or at this point even their property. I don't care that they put $70k worth of Honduran mahogany in the kitchen last week. I want to know if they're ready to do a deal that I don't have to explain to them!

[<Steve> 82]

Doug is back! I needed that after this week.

[Kent - FL 0]

The cold in the "Great White North" must be effecting you! lol

 

Thanks for sharing the activity numbers. You said you met with 2 owners and made an offer to one of them. What was the situation with the other one that didn't make you want to deal with them? By the way, I'm new on the forum here and we "met" on another one where I go by "aero".

[Doug Pretorius (ON) 9]

The cold in the "Great White North" must be effecting you! lol

 

Thanks for sharing the activity numbers. You said you met with 2 owners and made an offer to one of them. What was the situation with the other one that didn't make you want to deal with them? By the way, I'm new on the forum here and we "met" on another one where I go by "aero".

Hey aero, err, Kent. We've actually had an unusually warm and sunny fall..

 

I didn't care for the other seller's attitude and he wanted too much to rent it anyway. I just looked at it because it was right around the corner from the other house. It was pretty nice though, might even follow up after Xmas, see if he's willing to deal on the rent.

[ATC 0]

If Steve and I find that funny there must be a way to work that humour into Ur calls ... so that Y.O.U. find the FUN this dreadful process of calling. WHY DO U PUNISH YOURSELF with calling? Just go to confession... leave it all in the past and ... email,email,email !

[MichaelC 160]

"Resident Curmudgeon", indeed!

[ATC 0]

Michael, would you please consider adding a new nickname to Doug's profile.

 

I'm thinking "Applicant to Charm School"

 

And an AVATAR also if you don't mind ..... What was the name of that older gentleman who recently retired from 60 minutes ??

 

Mickey ... ??? OH! damn what's his *^#!~ LAST name again ??

[MichaelC 160]

Michael, would you please consider adding a new nickname to Doug's profile.

 

I'm thinking "Applicant to Charm School"

 

And an AVATAR also if you don't mind ..... What was the name of that older gentleman who recently retired from 60 minutes ??

 

Mickey ... ??? OH! damn what's his *^#!~ LAST name again ??

You're thinking of Andy Rooney. And he was way too sweet and cuddly to be confused for our Dougie.

[ErikOk 10]

Michael, would you please consider adding a new nickname to Doug's profile.

 

I'm thinking "Applicant to Charm School"

 

And an AVATAR also if you don't mind ..... What was the name of that older gentleman who recently retired from 60 minutes ??

 

Mickey ... ??? OH! damn what's his *^#!~ LAST name again ??

You're thinking of Andy Rooney. And he was way too sweet and cuddly to be confused for our Dougie.

 

Plus he's dead

[Doug Pretorius (ON) 9]

Plus he's dead

Apparently that's a step UP from my personality

[ATC 0]

Sorry Dougie ....

 

I TRIED !

 

Don't worry ... life WILL kick the *#!t right outa 'ya by the time U'r OUR age.

 

You just have a few rough edges ... but they'll get WORN off in time.

 

HEY slacker ... where's your daily stats.

[Doug Pretorius (ON) 9]

I thought that was supposed to be stats for the days I actually work?

[speedingpenguin 19]

I thought that was supposed to be stats for the days I actually work?

hahaha!

4 hour work week!

 

12/03/2011: 0 calls, 0 voicemails, 0 contacts

12/04/2011: 0 calls, 0 voicemails, 0 contacts

12/05/2011: ? calls, ? voicemails, ? contacts

[Doug Pretorius (ON) 9]

You're so negative! I'm supposed to be the curmudgeon around here.

 

12/04/2011: 10 calls, 4 voicemails, 6 contacts, 1 yes

 

Had two interesting calls this evening.

#1 - said no right off the bat to doing a rent to own, he went on and on about the house and how he's renovated it top to bottom and doesn't want renters in there. So I thought what have I got to lose and asked if he would be interested in financing the sale. Turns out he's open to holding a 2nd mortgage and as we continued to talk he eventually told me that if it doesn't sell he's going to rent the basement out (2 bedrooms, separate entrance, separate kitchen and bath) and just leave the main floor empty.

 

I'm definitely going to follow up in the new year and see if he's willing to go the step further to no money down with full seller financing. This would make a really nice duplex. Not that I'm crazy about the idea of being a landlord again, but there's a possibility of $500+/month cash flow after debt service and expenses so it might be worth it. Or just rent to own like usual.

 

#2 - first question out of his mouth: "Are you a realtor?" I just said: "No" and asked if he'd be interested in doing a rent to own. Answer: YES! No problem. The house is also totally reno'ed with gorgeous Brazilian hardwood and Italian tile. He's got an offer on it but says he's skeptical. Asked me to call him back tomorrow and discuss things some more.

 

I asked about the "Are you a realtor?" thing and he said, and I quote: "Oh yeah. I don't want to talk to those assholes!" :lol: Apparently I'm not the only person around here who's had a run in or two with a realtor