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Any Relationship Experts?

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"I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so

much. And I never have figured out the whole Venus and Mars thing. I have

never figured out why men think with their head and women with their heart.

 

FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting

into bed.

 

Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't

feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

 

I said "WHAT??!! What was that?!"

 

So she says the words that every boyfriend on the planet dreads to hear...

"You're just not in touch with my emotional needs as a woman enough for me

to satisfy your physical needs as a man." She responded to my puzzled look

by saying, "Can't you just love me for who I am and not what I do for you in

the bedroom?"

 

Realizing that nothing was going to happen that night, I went to sleep.

 

The very next day I opted to take the day off of work to spend time with

her. We went out to a nice lunch and then went shopping at a big, big

unnamed department store. I walked around with her while she tried on

several different very expensive outfits. She couldn't decide which one to

take so I told her we'd just buy them all. She wanted new shoes to

compliment her new clothes, so I said lets get a pair for each outfit. We

went onto the jewelry department where she picked out a pair of diamond

earrings. Let me tell you...she was so excited. She must have thought I was

one wave short of a shipwreck. I started to think she was testing me because

she asked for a tennis bracelet when she doesn't even know how to play

tennis. I think I threw her for a loop when I said, "That's fine, honey."

She was almost nearing sexual satisfaction from all of the excitement.

Smiling with excited anticipation she finally said, "I think this is all

dear, let's go to the cashier."

 

I could hardly contain myself when I blurted out, "No honey, I don't

feel like it."

 

Her face just went completely blank as her jaw dropped with a baffled WHAT?"

 

I then said "honey! I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while. You're

just not in touch with my financial needs as a man enough for me to satisfy

your shopping needs as a woman." And just when she had this look like she

was going to kill me, I added, "Why can't you just love me for who I am and

not for the things I buy you?"

 

Apparently I'm not having sex tonight either"

 

Calling on all the experts. Any advice?

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Daniel

 

Damn that was funny LOL!!!!. I have the same problem with my wife; the only thing that I can make about it is that sometimes women just want to be touched or know that they are wanted, so they can play with us and try to use sex as carrot to get us to change our behaviors to what they want; then use the lack of it to punish us. They get away with it because they know that we will always come back. I am just fortunate now to have the kind of communication where I can just ask her are you doing this because you want me or are you just playing and she will answer honestly. This spares me the conflicts of deciding whether to get even or not. I suggest you tease her then pretend that you have no interest in her and keep doing it until she rips your clothes off. Women hate it when you play the same mind games with them it will keep her honest and yes I speak from experience. By the way stop with the shopping thing to get even she might think you are being petty and might start to believe her own spin about you loving her for her bedroom games. Have fun.

 

PS she was just using your sex drive to get you to cuddle and yes she is implying that if you hold her more she'll giveyou more of what you want.

 

 

 

Gordon Holtner

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Thanks Gordon.

 

Frank (OH): Yes, a can of worms or whoopass got opened. I believe that if a successful man got married to a woman, he has to know something about this topic and survived.

 

Everyone Else:

I'm curious if I will get a woman's point of view as well. Maybe women know something men don't know.

 

We men know what we want but it's the women who know if we are going to get it from them.

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post-1-1128044148.jpgWell, Daniel, I can say with certainty that you've come to the right place. Look no further than your trusty Admin for expertise on the fairer sex. Our meetings are held the first Tuesday of every month. Your invitation to the National Organization of Men Against Amazonian Masterhood is hereby official.

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Man that was good. I guess I just don't know how good I got it huh?

:lol:

 

I was joking with my wife about purchasing a book on how to satisfy a woman who just gave birth.

 

She said yeah, it's called: STAY THE HELL AWAY FROM ME! :lol:

No joke man, that conversation really happend. :glare:

Adam

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"I never quite figured out why the sexual urge of men and women differ so

much. ....FOR EXAMPLE: One evening last week, my girlfriend and I were getting

into bed.....Well, the passion starts to heat up, and she eventually says "I don't

feel like it, I just want you to hold me."

Oh, boy... lemme take a shot at this since u did request for a female's point of view and being that I am a strong believer in communication, I know how to communicate, verbally, physically, morally, spiritually and most importantly, sexually.. yes, I'm shy so bare with me.. hope is not too late for this post LOL

 

I don't speak for all females, but from my own personal "opinion" only :lol:

 

If I was to say something like the above to my partner while in bed, I'm nicely telling him one or all of the following...

 

- you're not satisfying me in bed

- I'm tired of the same ol, same ol every night

- This is getting old, ... something is missing

- I'm losing interest in you sexually

- you're not turning me on

- something about you turns me "off"

 

You get the idea.. I don't want to hurt his feelings and since most men tend not to want to verbally communicate in bed, he will never find out why I don't want to get intimate with him nor how I feel. So I keep all that to myself until it overflows and that's when we start losing interest with each-other etc.

Can I still get intimate with him feeling this way? Sure! But that would be like craving for

"chicken alfredo" and settling for " nachos " not good at all, I mean I've been settleing for nachos for yrs, am I ever gonna get what I'VE BEEN CRAVING? .. Get the pic?..in my opinion sex needs to be enjoyed by both, you should both get what you crave for and never settle for less, not just bam bam, good night dear...

We women lose interest in our men easily this way (I know lots of wives cheating on their hubbies because of lack of communication from them).. is like when doing a REI deal, do you not try your best in being loud and clear to make sure your prospect client/customer understands what you're trying to tell him? (verbally), so why should your partner be any different? If anything, sex is TOP priority in a relationship, even the bible says it (between a husband and wife) without the verbal communication, u have nothing.

 

Now the good news :-)

 

How can a man keep his "wife" pleased with her bedroom's craving and have her treating him like a KING? ;-)

(this is not for one nighter's stand)

 

- Speaking for myself (which is for most females) we like to get romanced first (you gotta look good, clean shaven, smell very very very good - after shave cologne is to me, the biggest turn on in bed, exposing your bare huge firm chest melts me hehehe ...u gotta have soft music and talking to one another as we progress)

 

- I (we) also like to be teased...physically invated / pleased - this is very important (caress every part of the body with your lips and masculine hands, take your time, enjoy every piece of the body, don't rush, Rub oil on the entire body and start an erotic massage )

 

This way, my partner is turning me on verbally, physically, morally and sexually, and rest assure that if he does a good job, he'll be my for ever king and I'll prove it to him ;-)

 

- Of course the rest is only logical from here, (go on for at least 45 minutes non stop is the norm).... and yes, that's what " I " (women) want in bed... we can always play it like the men wants (quickies, non-romanced etc) but it kills the mood and it gets boring, not very healthy!

Sorry no alcoholic beverages in my case but of course I know the rest of the world uses it which is kewl too :lol:

 

Like Real Estate, Sexual relationship appraises its value if we would only take the time to appreciate it and treasure it like it was meant to be instead of depreciating its value by turning it into an endless boring routine.

 

Here's To your Sexess :ninja:

 

What do I win this time?

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Bev,

Great post and seriously, communication is key. They say (not that I need "their" opinion) that married sex is the best. This is true especially when you can count all those nights of "going over the edge" with desires and ideas that can push through the embarrassment. Once you're there, it's a whole nother world!

 

And on a serious note, what I have always noticed is that when you think you're being neglected it's because you're neglecting. Just like you said. This can also mean if you're neglecting yourself. You need to take care of yourself, mentally, physically and spiritually. Otherwise it's a turn off to just about everyone! (Including business partners)

 

45 minutes huh? Hell, after having kids 4-5 minutes can be a feaking blessing! :lol:B):ninja::lol:

Regards,

Adam

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Hi Everyone

 

I really do like Bev's post because it shows what all the things it could be if there is no communication. It all comes down to retraining yourself to hold back your impulses; Dan you are a lawyer you negotiate and you must hear many inflammatory things from people you work or deal with and must keep you cool and go back and hammer out that deal or negotiation. It is kind of the same with your girlfriend you'll both want to say things to each other; then you'll start to talk and if both of you start beating the other down, you'll never be honest with each other. It will take all your self control when you hear your girlfriend say things to you honestly and you don't like it. Just like in any negotiation; and of course it will take all of her self control when you say things to her that she hates.

 

Here is my belief about realtionship stages

 

1. You meet each other and you go along with the other interests,desires because you are interested to see where it takes you it feels good to give in. But in all honesty in your zeal to see where it takes you both of you build up

ideas and project your own ideas of who the other person is. You don't fully know them but feels good to be with them. In this stage you overlook the others faults because you are practicing self deception.

 

2. You start to get to know each other not what they say, but what they do and you find little things that irritate you or where not the way you thought. You hold your tongue especially on sexual matters. You play games and may or may not try to gently coax the other person into learning what you want by colouring choices, this makes everything you don't want a bad choice but the one you want is good and you make it obvious to the other person.

 

3. You start being honest about little things and this is when the sh@t may hit the fan. This is the stage where you must practice extreme self control

you will hear things you don't like and will have to control your impulse to hurt back. If you don't control the impulse, or your girl or boyfriend doesn't

you'll never be honest again because the pain will be too much.You'll either breakup frustrated or endure.

 

4.You make it.The honesty is irritating (mildly) and you figure out how to communicate and you realize that you want nobody else to share your life

with.

 

Gordon Holtner

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45 minutes huh?

Anything lower than that is kid's stuff :ninja:

 

Hell, after having kids 4-5 minutes can be a feaking blessing!

5 Minutes??? B) Man, I can hold my breath longer than that!! :lol::lol:

 

There's a time and place for everything.....Kids go to bed at 8 PM, so watt-up with that excuse? Ever heard of motels on fridays, Saturdays? Meet her there for a one nighter, ever heard of "wheatgrass juice" ;) where there's a will there's a way! Como'n spice it up, the ideas are endless ;)

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45 minutes huh?

Anything lower than that is kid's stuff <_<

 

Hell, after having kids 4-5 minutes can be a feaking blessing!

5 Minutes??? :o Man, I can hold my breath longer than that!! :blink::o

 

There's a time and place for everything.....Kids go to bed at 8 PM, so watt-up with that excuse? Ever heard of motels on fridays, Saturdays? Meet her there for a one nighter, ever heard of "wheatgrass juice" ;) where there's a will there's a way! Como'n spice it up, the ideas are endless ;)

Uh, oh, this could get both interesting and ugly. Adam, seems to me ol' Bev is challenging your, um, virility.

 

 

Pulls up a lawn chair, pops the top of a cold draught, prepares to watch the fight...

:P

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There's a time and place for everything.....Kids go to bed at 8 PM, so watt-up with that excuse? Ever heard of motels on fridays, Saturdays? Meet her there for a one nighter, ever heard of "wheatgrass juice" <_< where there's a will there's a way! Como'n spice it up, the ideas are endless :blink:

 

Wheatgrass juice? What the heck is that?

 

Why would Adam want to bring the wife to a motel when he as a perfectly well built room in his home and a bottle of Nyquil for the kids?

 

Just some things that make you say, hmmm.

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