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I've posted 7 questions in just one day, my first day registered at that.

You guys deserve SOME sort of recompense. :blush:

Hope this isn't a repost...


As I was retrieving a shopping cart in Wal Mart yesterday a particularly unkempt, unattractive and mean spirited woman who actually reeked of body odor pushed me aside. Shoving past me, the woman snarled at her kids, almost knocking another older lady down, grabbed the first cart and swung it around, hitting an

older man working there as one of the Wal Mart Greeters. As she pulled the cart away from the Greeter's stomach, in a kind and

calming voice the Greeter, while gesturing towards the two children said to her, "Are they Twins?" Glaring at him she snapped back saying, "No you old fool, the brat's 9 and the little witch is 7, are you so blind you think they look alike?"

"No replied the Greeter calmly, "I just couldn't believe you got laid twice."

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Go to your control panel, and click on email preferences. You can select instant notification there.

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Glad everyone liked that little joke.

Here's another:


A cowboy was herding his cows in a remote pasture when suddenly a brand

new, BMW advanced out of a dust cloud towards him. The driver, a young man in

a Brioni suit, Gucci shoes, Ray-Ban sunglasses and YSL tie, leans out

the window and asks the cowboy,

"If I tell you exactly how many cows and calves you have in your herd,

will you give me a calf?"

The cowboy looks at the man, obviously a yuppie, then looks at his

peacefully grazing herd and calmly answers, "Sure, Why not?"

The yuppie parks his car, whips out his Dell notebook computer,connects

it to his Cingular RAZR V3 cell phone, and surfs to a NASA page on the

Internet, where he calls up a GPS satellite navigation system to get an

exact fix on his location which he then feeds to another NASA satellit e

that scans the area in an ultra-high-resolution photo. The young man

then opens the digital photo in Adobe Photoshop and exports it to an image

processing facility in Hamburg, Germany.

Within seconds, he receives an email on his Palm Pilot that the image

been processed and the data stored.

He then accesses a MS-SQL database through an ODBC connected Excel

spreadsheet with email on his Blackberry and, after a few minutes,has

a response.

Finally, he prints out a full-color, 150-page report on his hi-tech,

miniaturized HP LaserJet printer and finally turns to

the cowboy and says, "You have exactly 1,586 cows and calves."

"That 's right. Well, I guess you can take one of my calves," says the


He watches the young man select one of the animals and looks on amused


the young man stuffs it into the trunk of his car................


Then the cowboy says to the young man, "Hey, if I can tell you exactly


your business is, will you give me back my calf?"

The young man thinks about it for a second and then says, "Okay, why


You're a Congressman for the U.S. Government", says the cowboy.

"Wow! That's correct," says the yuppie, "but how did you guess that?"

"No guessing required." answered the cowboy.

"You showed up here even though nobody called you; you want to get

paid for an answer I already knew,to a question I never asked.

You tried to show me how much smarter than me you are; and you don't

know a thing about cows.....this is a herd of sheep.


Now give me back my dog.

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